i feel adrift. unmoored. untethered. disjointed. out of sorts. unfocused. unsure. confounded. dystopic. (not sure i’m using that last word correctly, but it just feels right.) my days dawn as they always do (and i am glad to be awake when they do) and i do what i always do, in almost the same order i always do them. thankfully, there has been no drama, and i have had to bear no catastrophe or calamity. thankfully. though i am working my job, walking my dog, knitting my yarn, tethered physically to my life and my activities, my mind and my heart are unmoored, unstable, willy-nilly.
i have started to meditate. i have done two 5 minute sessions. i bought my own zafu cushion to rest upon when i meditate. the 5 minutes is good – i am able to pay attention to my breathing pretty consistently for 5 minutes – but i can absolutely see myself increasing to 10, then 15, maybe more. the restful quiet and presence in each moment relieve me of my un- nature. for 5 minutes there is no worry or boredom or anxiety. it is just breath and air and light.
afterwards, the gap between what is true and what is unnecessary fiction, has disappeared, at least for a while. afterwards, the gap between where i am and where i want to be has closed, at least for a while. i’d say there’s something to this meditation thing.